Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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