Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize