lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
