you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
