If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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