did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
