i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i love accidental penises.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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