My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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