When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
