I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Randomize
