my sisters under your porch take her home
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
