My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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