At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
