We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
