Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
