After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
