So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Be still, my beating vagina.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize