Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
