Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
