Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
