What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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