I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
