trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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