I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
