You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
