Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
