we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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