My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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