All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
