We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
