Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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