I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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