Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
