I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
