ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
