If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
