They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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