Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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