I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
