It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize