I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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