Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
3 2 1 whiskey
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
