butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
