sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
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