chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
