We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Randomize
