I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
