lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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