His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
