Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
