why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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