Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
