I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
