Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
