Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
