life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
not ubering you a puppy
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
