Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
