So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
