I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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