Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
