hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I touched a dick in church today
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize