I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You have to summon your inner elephant
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
