please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
