He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
