think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
