It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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