it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
