How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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