Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
