I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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