k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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