The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Let's paint friendship bongs
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
