apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
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