Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
